Shadow Work and Soul Work Facilitation
Hi. Have you ever wondered why someone who ghosted you is the person you cannot stop fixating on? Or why someone who has shown you inconsistency is still someone you long to be with?
It might be because there is some shadow work that needs to be done.
Last night I was doing a live tarot reading here on TikTok, and someone asked me if a person was ignoring her. I am not a traditional tarot reader. I consider myself more of a soul work facilitator than a psychic or fortune teller. I use cards to help people gain insight and guidance, along with my own intuitive understanding.
The cards did indicate that she was being ignored, but they also offered guidance. My own insight was telling me that this situation was pointing toward a need for shadow work. This morning she reached out asking what shadow work is and how to do it, so I wanted to explain what shadow work is, how it can help when you are being ignored, and how it can support healing around that wound.
In simple terms, shadow work is the intentional practice of shining light on parts of ourselves that we were taught to hide or feel ashamed of. These parts are not bad. They are simply parts of us that, for one reason or another, we learned were not safe to show.
When we bring awareness to these hidden parts, we can better understand where healing is needed and notice the ways we try to meet our needs in unhelpful patterns.
Shadow work can begin by asking yourself why something affects you so deeply. What wound is being triggered? What patterns from childhood or past relationships are being activated right now?
Once we understand the why, we can begin to replace old patterns with healthier ones that meet the same need.
One of the first questions I ask when doing shadow work, for myself or with others, is this: What fear, belief, or feeling am I avoiding by holding onto this attachment or repeating this behavior? What am I not wanting to look at?
When the question came up on live about whether this person was being ignored, what stood out to me was this: Why are we focusing on why the other person is ignoring us, instead of asking why we still want the affection of someone who is showing us inconsistency or harm?
Shadow work shifts the focus away from the other person’s behavior and toward the part of us that is being activated by it. The part of us that still wants to cling to someone who is not showing up or treating us with care.
A helpful question to ask yourself is: What part of me is being hooked by this person?
Often it connects to a fear of being unimportant, a fear of abandonment, or a belief that love has to be earned. It may come from growing up with an inconsistent parent, or from a past relationship where anxiety was constant and became associated with intimacy or chemistry.
I cannot answer that for you, but I can offer guidance on how to find those answers within yourself.
Another important piece here is that other people sense our shadows, even if they do not have language for them. They have their own unmet needs and unhealthy coping mechanisms. Sometimes they get their needs met by triggering ours.
For example, someone who ignores others may receive gratification from being chased or desired, especially if they experienced rejection or neglect in their own past. That is their shadow. But they can only play that role with someone whose own shadow pulls them toward chasing inconsistency.
That is why it is so important to bring awareness to your own shadows. This is how you take your power back. You identify the unmet need and the feeling you are avoiding. Once you understand that, you can find healthier ways to meet that need.
If the need is to feel important, valued, or emotionally safe, then the work becomes finding people and environments that can meet that need in consistent and healthy ways.
If you have been ghosted and could not stop thinking about that person, or if you have chased someone who was inconsistent, ask yourself this: When and where did I learn that I have to earn affection? Who benefited from my belief that if I tried harder, the silence or inconsistency would stop?
When you bring awareness to the unmet need or avoided feeling, the power shifts back to you. The next time you are triggered by similar behavior, you can choose a new and healthier response.
Right now it may feel like it hurts because this person is special to you. After doing shadow work, it may feel more like it hurts because you have felt ignored before, and that old wound is being touched. That awareness allows you to meet the need in a different way.
This does not always mean the attachment ends. Sometimes no longer needing validation from someone changes the dynamic itself. In some cases, that shift is what allows a healthier connection to form.
I hope this helps.
If you are interested in shadow work, there are facilitators like myself and many experienced practitioners who specialize in this kind of healing. This is also something you can do on your own. Shadow work journals, voice notes, and reflective prompts can be very effective, especially when you revisit them later.
It can also be incredibly helpful to talk with someone who has known you through different phases of your life. They often notice patterns and changes that we cannot see ourselves.
If you have more questions about shadow work, schedule using the link or use our contact us page. I am happy to help.
